??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
i believe in u and ur pee
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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