Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
