The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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