dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
As shirtless as possible
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Come on in and take your pants off
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