You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
