I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
