I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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