so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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