No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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