Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
