my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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