I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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