wanna go halves on a baby?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Randomize
