i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
