grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
