I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
