All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
dude. I can hear the air.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
