last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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