the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
