how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
