dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
