party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You ate ashes out of my bong
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