broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
