I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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