Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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