i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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