i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
