she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
