I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
