real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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