I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You need a sexual gate keeper
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
