areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Pooping to opera.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
