...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
