Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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