another moral hangover. fuck.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
