you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
