She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
