Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
