my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
