I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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