Are we in a gay sports bar?
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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