I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
