I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
