If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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