What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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