She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
