dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
