I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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