i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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