I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
