I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Actions speak louder than pants.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
