I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
