I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
