Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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