Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
