why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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