My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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