Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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