I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
