I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
